Twistin’ Cones with the Lean Green Wizard

Everyone has that friend who can roll perfect cone-style joints. It’s a talent usually accompanied by a story about how they learned how to do it in London or Amsterdam and, while they may be some of the most insufferable types of stoners, you can’t argue against the efficacy of a precisely rolled, elegantly tapered doobie. They pull nicely, burn slowly, and just look cooler than the little parrot-shit pinner you hastily twisted up on the way to the park.

These days, for those of us who can’t seem to master the cone, there’s the Lean Green Wizard Cone Filling Machine. The primary apparatus is basically a stand that holds one of those pre-rolled empty cones — I used the Raw Classic Cones — and a tray with a hole in it that fits over the top. To use it, grind your herb in the grinder, pour it in the tray, and use the accompanying poker to stuff the cone to your liking. Oh, and there are two slots in the stand, one for regular-size papers, one for king-size.

To be honest, the whole thing seemed a bit pointless. Why not just grind up some weed and stuff it in a pre-rolled cone with the rubber side of a pencil? How long before I lose one of the many parts? What will my friends say when they see this stupid-looking contraption sitting on my coffee table?

Regardless, I tried it a few times and I must say that it aids in making a perfectly stuffed cone that burns more or less exactly right. The primitive, dish-hole-poker-slot technology proved effective, and my only real issue with it was with the accompanying grinder, which has one of those toothy compartments with holes in it for the weed to fall into a mesh basket. Problem is, the holes are too small, rendering the basket relatively useless.

The Verdict:

Cool Factor: Nerd alert! The see-through, green plastic is something between a Graffiix bong and a carnival prize.

Practicality: Meh. In the end, it works pretty well, but I don’t think all of the parts — seven of ’em, including the cumbersome grinder — are necessary. Also, the grinder snaps together with tiny magnets. Why not use that technology on the cone-stuffing device? The tray tipped over a few times while I was stuffing a cone and spilled weed everywhere. How high were these folks when they made this thing?

Affordability: Probably the best part. It only costs $14.99. While gimmicky, it’s ultimately effective and relatively cheap. It might make a great, er, stocking stuffer this holiday season.

Overall: If you’re into frivolous stoner shit, the Lean Green Wizard might be for you. If not, spend the $15 on a bag of weed.

Overall: 2.5/5