At the ballpark with Auntie Dolores

A squadron of angry East Bayers garbed in green rose up in unified anguish around me. I was roused, too. Josh Reddick had just dropped an easy catch in the outfield — an error that would eventually cost the Oakland Athletics the game on this otherwise idyllic Sunday afternoon. I peered through my aviators at the spectacle of sun-broiled agitators, and I jeered with them. Fuck, jeering is fun.

But I was too greened up to give anything resembling a half of an actual fuck.

While sipping beers with friends in the summery menagerie of sweaty, sexy, and frenzied baseball devotees, I’d been shoveling Auntie Dolores’ glazed pecans in my mouth. The sweet and light pot treats pack the fun punch of a tickle from a ballerina, just enough to keep the momentum from a pregame bowl outside the stadium going.

Later, after departing the Coliseum, your editor and I would finally down the shared packet, enjoying the fruits of our efforts while watching a lazy North Beach evening unfurl in a window seat at Maggie McGarry’s. We were plenty buzzed; our prose was lethargic. But we were still standing. We were still enjoying the gentle tickling in our braincases when we called it a day.

A couple days later, my brothers and I tried something different. On another sunny and lazy day, this time in a backyard in the Upper Haight, we chowed down on Auntie Dolores’ cheese crackers. The packet outwardly resembled the plastic pouch of pecans. But if Auntie’s pecans produced a sagacious tickle, these bad boys reached into our gray matter and tore our neurons from their rightful places. There’s 25 mg of THC packed into every little cracker — after a few crackers, you might as well have stuffed a few joints in your mouth.

The crackers taste nice enough, but no amount of cheddar, butter, rice flour, and xanthum gum is ever going to be enough to drown out the overwhelming flavor of the main ingredient — the potent nectar of Mary Jane.
Our distraction this afternoon was board games. It was a challenge. I don’t know how many times my brother had to explain basic backgammon tactics to me, but I know that he was very patient. That might have been because he was in the same bleary boat as me, setting up the board all wrong the third or fourth time around, in spite of his adherence to best practice and strategy.

The games became hopeless, and our munchies wouldn’t quit. Off we pottered to the sunny yard behind Sparrow Bar and Kitchen, where we tried to stop giggling like eight-balling babies long enough to order sandwiches. We got there, eventually. I don’t remember if the server was impatient, or if I was enduring a mid-bliss bout of paranoia, but I suspect it was all my fault; none his. We chowed down whenever the giggles abandoned us, struggled with the check, then back to a living room for a hearty multi-hour nap.

Next time I want to enjoy a sunny day in the park or at the game, I’ll suck down some more pecans. But if you’d prefer to enter a sleepy world of borderline anesthesia, pass on those nuts. You’re more of cheesy-cracker kind of stoner.

GET SOME (treats)

Auntie Dolores’ gluten-free cheese crackers
500 mg per package
(25 or so mg per cracker)

Auntie Dolores’ glazed pecans
100 mg per package (About 5 mg per pecan)

Available at: Check your favorite dispensary or delivery service

Photos courtesy of Auntie Dolores