Colin M. Day

Absolut eXtracts Fish Tanks & Vape Pen

Getting extremely high has always come with a cost-benefit ratio.

Often, the cost is taking a hit (or five) in a way that is sure to singe your lungs, be it dabbing or massive bong rips. The risk with potent edibles, of course, is in not knowing exactly how long or intense your altered state may last.

Now, with AbsoluteXtract’s limited-edition Fish Tanks, that problem is (temporarily) no longer an issue.

Made in collaboration with San Francisco artist Jeremy Fish, it should come as no surprise that these vape pens are gorgeous. Designed with a golden fish-scale pattern, the pen can be used with any cartridge of your choosing, making its value far greater than a disposable counterpart forever tethered to a single cartridge.

The pen uses a single-button system, for which five clicks cycles it on and off. In this case, simplicity is elegance, because with the Fish Tank cartridge, these babies come with, you won’t need to mess around with temperatures.

Developed with Fish’s input, the tanks are filled with a proprietary oil based on the Tangie strain. The flavor is simply divine, as AbsoluteXtracts has added a bit more tangerine to the mix, giving the taste a natural but rich fruit flavor that doesn’t leave you feeling like they just freebased a box of Fruity Pebbles.

Oh, did I mention this oil is also the strongest on the market?

Watch out, friends — Jeremy Fish doesn’t mess around. Each Fish Tank cartridge tests at over 90 percent THC, meaning if you take a hit lasting over two seconds, you are straight-up done.

Across multiple sessions, I found that it was fairly easy to over-medicate. After all, who can be bothered to time their hits when The Simpsons is on? However, here is the final jewel in the Fish Tanks crown: This is one of the cleanest, least impeding highs I’ve ever had.

Rather than feeling chained to my bed or so loopy that typing this sentence would result in a string of emojis not even my wife could decrypt, the Tangie oil packs a fiercely potent cerebral high that is both relaxing and stimulating. At least twice, as I found myself feeling more affected than originally planned, I welcomed my mistake.

Here I should note that I am not the type of consumer who usually deals well with being too medicated. I prefer the nibble-and-wait approach to jumping in feet first, but with the Fish Tank, I’m starting to rethink things.

Of course, the biggest downside with AbsoluteXtract’s product is the simple fact that it won’t last forever. As a Bay Area resident, San Francisco and its surrounding cities likely got the lion’s share of the stock, meaning readers may still be able do that most non-stoner thing imaginable and put in the necessary effort to track down a set.

And make no mistake: This is a set. In addition to the pen and cartridge, each kit comes with a very stylish, chocolate-brown, velvet carrying case embossed with a golden fish. A select few were even able to get a highly limited leather pouch shaped like — you guessed it — a fish, but let’s not get crazy here.

Overall, limited-edition items that come with a surplus of collaborations touted as “special” or “rare” often don’t live up to the hype. You could argue that something as temporary as cannabis flower and oil has no business being uttered in the same breath as “collectible” — and nine times of out 10, I’d agree with you.

The thing is, the Jeremy Fish x AbsoluteXtracts kit is the exception, a product made with meticulous attention to detail and clearly designed by an individual who highly values the power of cannabis as a tool for healing and creation. It is, in short, the rarest of things: something that cannot be replaced.

Rating: 5/5