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Strainwise: Alpha Blue

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In the 10 or so years that I’ve been smoking weed — and yes, I, too, am surprised by the fact that I never once tried it in high school; #nerd — I’ve pretty much always bought from friends or dealers. There was that one time I bought weed off of a stranger in Las Vegas, and there have been a few illegal storefronts that I’ve purchased from, as well — anyone remember Robot by the DMV on Clairemont Ave. in Oakland? — but the point remains: I am not picky when it comes to weed.

My lack of pickiness is partly due to my naivete and the fact that I don’t have a medical card and thus do not frequent places that offer me a menu of options to choose from.

Thanks to a friend with a card who was heading to the store, though, I was recently offered the chance to — finally — pick from an array of weed strains. Normally, if I’m offered choices, I’ll ask for “whatever is a sativa,” or I’ll just rely on the good ol’ smell test. But in this case, since I don’t have a card and couldn’t physically enter the store, I had to choose my strain beforehand from the store’s online menu.

Per my friend’s suggestion, I went with the Alpha Blue, even though the description was scanty. All it said was: “Delicious, High Energy, and Euphoric.” Given that there were strains with multi-paragraph explanations, I knew I was taking a chance on the Alpha Blue, but the promise of euphoria was tempting, so I figured, why not?

Turns out I made a poor choice. Though the Alpha Blue has a fresh, almost lemony scent, it’s one of the weakest strains I’ve ever smoked. The first time I hit it — in a bowl, for those who care — I was surprised by the lack of a buzz that I got. I figured that I hadn’t taken a big enough hit, so I tried again. And again. Nothing really happened. I felt a bit spaced out and relaxed, but certainly not euphoric. Not to mention, the herb burns incredibly fast, so after two or three hits, the bowl had to be packed again.

I went to a party this weekend, so I had some of my friends try it out to see if they had similar reactions to it, and they did. N. described it as “mild,” and said it scratched her throat. M. thought it had a “minty taste,” and agreed with me that it burned too quickly. And J., well, he gave the most positive review, if you count getting “a tingly feeling behind [your] eyes” as something pleasurable.

Overall, I’ll stick with my off-brand, generic strains. I might have no idea what type of weed I’m smoking, but at least I’ll know it works.

Potency
22% THC, 38% CBD

Appearance
A rather bright green hue, with short leaves, that was prone to crumbling and falling apart.

Smell
This is definitely not a dank weed. It has a pleasant, clean, lemony scent.

Taste
One of my friends described it as minty. For me, it was so mild that I can’t even describe what it tasted like because it really didn’t taste like anything.

Medical applicability
Alpha Blue made me tired, so I’d recommend it for insomnia.

Effect
The overall effect is that there is no overall effect. You might as well be smoking air.

Overall Impression
Definitely not worth spending an extra $7 for an eighth of this.

$47 an eighth/ $16 a gram

Available at:
Green Door
843 Howard St., S.F.